Dear Doctor Single,
I just came home from a long (yet fulfilling) day at work and feel ambivalent and confused. I am a mid-manager and am being groomed for a pretty prestigious management position. Here's my problem. My husband left me for another woman last year, and, although he has half-time custody and is basically a good dad, I'm afraid that with both of us working full time our daugher, Sara (age 2) just doesn't get enough attention. I'm really confused. Should I cut back on my hours (I could keep my current position and work 1/2 time and telecommute a day a week) or go for financial security and work longer hours to get promoted? My boss said I need to decide by the end of the month.
When I'm at work I want to be home. Sometimes when I'm home, I long for work and adult companionship.
Ambivalent
Dear Ambivalent,
Your problem is universal and you'll hear lots of opinions on this one. Research shows that the more hours one or or both parents spend with their baby and toddler, the better. Quantity does matter, although quality is important too. As hard as it is, put your child's needs first. Yes, financial stability is important, too, but in many cases women (and some men) find that waiting a few years before diving into 50-70 hour work weeks is worth it.
Since you and your husband divorced, Sara is already without you half the week; the other side of the coin is that she has a very present dad which sure beats a deadbeat parent. That is very positive. Your situation may open up the door for some creativity, allowing you to take the promotion and actually increase your time with Sara. Perhaps you could work 10 hour days three days a week when Sara is with her father (if that's possible with you and your ex-husbands custody arrangement) and still have lots of time with her when she's with you, working short days. When you're at work, try to leave Sara in the care of a close relative at least part time if you can. If you do decide to go the full time day care route, make checking out safey and credentials of potential day care centers your 'science project'. Pop in unexpectedly at varying hours and carefully check references very carefully.
Please think this through carefully, and good luck.
Doctor Single